Time To Take My Exams

So, I shared that I stayed at a psych unit twice. The first stay interfered with finals week and the second was a month later. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to make up my finals but my mom helped me communicate with the college and they allowed me to make them up, thankfully. I was enrolled as a general science major because I love math and science so I was taking chemistry, astronomy, and also psychology. My professors were going to allow me to make up the final exams and they gave me a couple weeks to study. I remember having a really hard time studying for my finals. I couldn't focus due to my mental illness. I remember the text books looking like gibberish. I was basically running off of what I had memorized from what I had learned earlier in the classes. 

So, the day came to take my chemistry exam. I remember getting the test from my professor. He was very nice and smiled at me and said, "good luck." This made me feel better. I had aced every test I had ever taken in my life, so how could this one be different-- right? So, I sat there and began the test. The first few questions I think I got right because I remembered learning about them in class. But then, here came a hard question. It was something I was somewhat familiar with, but seemed harder now due to my new illness. Okay, "deep breath" I told myself. "How do I do this again?" "Something about conversions?""Oh crap." "I can't remember..." "Believe in yourself, you got this," I told myself. I took another deep breath and just simply focused. Then, my pencil began to write things that made sense. "Wow! I did it! I think I may have gotten that right!" I continued through the test, doing my best and focusing pretty well. But I'll tell you, it took a lot of effort. I remember feeling a little manic during the test and sometimes distracted by outside stimulus. But nevertheless, I felt like God was on my side. Then, at the end of the test came the stuff I just didn't know. It was all about the periodic table. I remember trying to study it, but I missed the lectures on it because I was manic. "Dang. Well, I got those wrong :( Hopefully, I did well enough overall to pass the exam and the class." Later I found out that I got a B or B+ in the class (I can't remember which). Rockin! I'll take it! Not bad for being "insane!" haha :)

My psychology professor was so kind. He saw how well I had done in the class up to my mental outbreak and simply waved the test altogether! He let me keep the grade I already had in the class which I think was a B+. I was so grateful for that because I saw how stressful it was for me to take my chemistry exam and I didn't want to do that again. So far I was doing great! They're not the A's I was always used to in high school, but good enough, I'll say.

And next came astronomy. Now this professor wasn't so kind, haha. I thought I was going to be given the test in a timely manner like I was with my chemistry class, but this professor had me wait an entire term. I got sick at the end of fall term, and I didn't take the test until the end of winter term. I studied so hard. Luckily, he let me do it online, so I could look up the answers, but everything was foreign to me. I thought,"we learned this??" haha. "Oh crap." So I finally hear back from my professor in an email. He said, "So, you didn't do well on you final at all. But because I had you complete the test so late, I waved your grade and you get a B- in the class." "Wow," I thought. "Barely made it by that one." "Now I can take a deep breath and move on." I passed the class with a decent grade and managed to bypass a rude instructor. "Nice work." :D

I had also taken women's self defense as well as a partner yoga class which were fun and was able to finish up those classes before my episode. I was pretty proud of myself. So now, I had withdrawn from that university and moved back home with my mom to rest. I needed a break and I needed to focus on my stability now. The EAST team was helping me get there, my mom was supportive, and I had other family and friends behind me. But I was also starting to discover something else, something that affected me deeply-- a strong curiosity about God and spirituality had sparked in me. I felt like my mental outbreaks had activated in me a strong interest in God. I was desperate to learn more. A page in my life had turned. And a new adventure was ahead.